Aro/ace 40 something here, I think giving up isn’t the right sentiment here. I haven’t been in a meaningful relationship since 35ish either and it’s less that I’ve given up and more that I realized my priorities are different. I have a regular rotation of friends that I spend time with, and there’s been a few I’ve entertained the idea of being sexual with, but ultimately, the shine is off sex for me, the novelty isn’t there to push me into the arms of just anyone who offers, I feel like this is relatively normal but I also know that I have a significant ace bent that is a little outside the norm.
Don’t get me wrong, I definitely miss the oxytocin and the sense of security and the sort of weird sense of success you get from finding a companion on that kind of level, but this isn’t just the raw excitement of bringing someone home from the bar when you’re 22, it’s not the same game.
I second a lot of the sentiment that maybe trying dating apps is good. If you don’t have a lot of meeting places then you gotta alter your net, I imagine you are not alone in your current state where you are, and if you want to just spaghetti method the hunt for companionship that’s probably the way to go. You don’t have to have sex with everyone you meet, you get to choose, but you can’t ever know if you’re interested if you don’t put yourself in a position to meet people.
Or, yeah, you find something else to do for a while. I haven’t been with anyone for over half a decade. I’ve had a broad range of experiences with different types of relationships and I just realized that the standard options don’t work for me. Probably some sort of poorly managed neurodivergence on my part but it also doesn’t feel wrong or like I’m giving up. It’s just where I am. I made my own socks. It’s a unique kind of decadence I didn’t know I wanted. Maybe find something like that and work it out of your system then see what you feel like.
I think it’s pretty clear that you’re just creating a space for you to exercise your own defeatism. You can either change your frame of reference or you can wallow in your own suffering. Up to you. Everything sucks and there’s no way out but all around you are people doing just fine figuring out how to be good in their own little world.
I want you to realize that you are choosing this and maybe filtering it through the lense of romantic relationships is just the easiest way for you to externalize this. I guarantee you can meet the love of your life tomorrow and you’d make all the excuses as to why you deserve punishment instead and how the love of your life is a normie romantic concept anyway eith no real value.
Get a hobby. Not one in front of a screen.