I went to paper high school, then baby wipes college. Let me know when you get your PhD from bidet university, then we’ll talk.

There’s no checkmate here. It’s already all figured out by the millions of bidet users over the last hundred years. My wife uses toilet paper, I prefer a small basket of washrags to blot the water away. The rag gets slightly damp and there is no visible poo (having been washed away already), but I’m not going to use it on my face after so if there are micro-particles I don’t care.

I’m a convert as of 7ish years ago. First one bathroom, then all bathrooms and the whole family vastly prefers over TP and even our previous favorite, baby wipes. Plus no waste, it’s really wins all around. Especially on the butthole.

Thanks a lot you shit-brained, fuck-faced, ball breaking, duck fucking pain in the ass.

Just keep fuckin walkin with Danny you fuckin bitch!

Leaning to walk again, learning to talk again, make my way back home when I learn to fly, it’s times like these you learn to live again, it’s times like these you learn to love again. Guy just loves learning.

Fuck it, fine, and it’s all the same, living with Louie Dog’s the only way to stay sane.

If you pack your groceries in boxes in the cart, wouldn’t that throw off the weight at the checkout?

Sam’s Club does it all with a self-checkout app and cart-scanning cameras at the exit. If you only get one or two things and don’t use a cart, then an associate needs to spot-scan on the way out, but otherwise it works great!

It’s Yanni

Good way to catch flies!

Doing drugs Down the Street The same old thing We did last week

Yeah, but how do I know that what you just wrote isn’t another conspiracy theory? I’m just so confused

I wish that I had Chesse’s girl

Oh, I know.

“It takes more than that to kill a bull moose,” the wounded candidate assured them. He reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a bullet-riddled, 50-page speech. Holding up his prepared remarks, which had two big holes blown through each page, Roosevelt continued. “Fortunately I had my manuscript, so you see I was going to make a long speech, and there is a bullet—there is where the bullet went through—and it probably saved me from it going into my heart. The bullet is in me now, so I cannot make a very long speech, but I will try my best.”

To paraphrase Office Space:

Let me ask you something. Where you work, does anyone ever tell you to “think different?”

No. No, man. Shit, no, man. I believe you’d get your ass kicked sayin’ something like that, man.

Shirt

My great-grandparents had an electric mower in the 80s. I never saw anyone else with one until the 2010s.

It’s Never Cloudy in Philadelphia.

I had my glasses on, and it still took DrSteveBrule’s comment plus about 30 more seconds before I got it smh