How strict is your sexual harassment policy?
Blow job interview, you say?
How strict is your shitting on Debra’s desk policy?
Or flying into the sun?
Sounds like management material to me.
Oh I did this one once! I interviewed for a job as a construction worker, and my first question was “what’s the pay” and second “how the fuck do you expect anyone to say yes to that”.
They also had an apprentice working on a roof right next to us with absolutely no safety gear in sight.
Hire me or OSHA geta notified if you wanted the job
That sounds like they blew the interview, not you
As you can clearly see I’m white and male. When do I start?
“Congrats, Mr. President! You’ve won the election!”
Honestly, this works more often than not.
“I’ve always been on the lookout for great places to start a workers union.”
“I have AuDHD.”
That one depends on the job. Some managers will love to exploit your inclination to hyper focus on solving problems and following the rules. They won’t ask you to work unpaid after hours but if you want to they won’t protest… Doing a third of the work for a team of six people? That’s great, but your next performance review will include the criticism that you’re not as social as your coworkers because you’re too busy doing the job.
Except that it’s gambling. The jobs trigger my hyper focus, sure I’ll do in a week a project meant for a month. But inversely, I can be incapable of even thinking about a task and make no progress for weeks.
I mean, meds have made it better.
Wouldnt bother me at all, I probably work with a few undiagnosed colleagues.
The only challenge is making sure we have the right role for you.
This reminded me of:
Tell them they can’t afford me
You’d be surprised the number of head hunters you’ll pique the interest of with that line.
They get me on board with the high salary, but the damage I do by not knowing how to do the job is ultimately what they cannot afford.
Hey, I could do that for more!
I had one guy I interviewed tell me, unprompted, that all the women in the company would definitely feel comfortable around him.
Ok???
It was a fast no thank you. So I guess I’d do that.
“I am always respectful and appropriate towards female employees, especially the hot ones.”
Sounds like something Michael Scott would say.
A few years ago I’d have said a Nazi salute.
But now I have to ask clarifying questions, like the location of the interview
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What the fuck?
I think you need to clarify, because it sounds like you’re saying that the only reason that people have a problem with Nazis is PC culture.
and that you’re saying people making a big deal about Nazis is a bad thing, people should either not care about Nazis or return to not doing anything about Nazis even if they cared?
Keep in mind this is in the context of doing a full Nazi salute, which is pretty unambiguous.
Is that really the hill you want to die on?
“I like you guys. You’re cool. All my other bosses were asshats.”
I’ve actually heard this one in an interview.
- I only push to
master - I only deploy to prod on Fridays
- I am not available on the weekends
something about your confidence… you’re hired!
Confidence coming from ignorance is human’s biggest trap.
- I only push to
“Hi, I don’t want this job, I’m just here because the job centre told me to apply if I want to continue receiving unemployment benefits.”
“I have uncontrollable diarrhea, I smell like I have uncontrollable diarrhea, and my cooking tastes like uncontrollable diarrhea. When can I start, chef?”
I had to read that title a few times. As it potentially could be its own answer: offer a blowjob
…I know, I’ll see myself out now…
Would giving a blow job blow the job interview? 🤔
You’re hired
But like, you need to do the blow job first
Ever put a task in your todo list or calendar, but forget what it means later?
Todo:
- …
- Blow job interview
- …
I don’t know exactly, I’ll just be myself.
Remind me when i applied for a tech store chain.
“We also mandate workers to recommend extra warranty to customers that ask for advice , how do you feel about this”
“I always try to help people who come to me for advice the very best i can, i would need to see the details of this extended warranty but if i believe it would really serve the customer then of course i will recommend it”
They laughed; i did not get the job.
Always seems to work so far!
