I don’t fucking know why I can’t eject USB hard drives. I installed the SysInternals apps, and best they can tell me is that Dropbox is fucking with the drives. I explicitly told Dropbox to not fuck with USB drives. I don’t know who’s lying, I just want whoever is fucking with the drives to stop fucking with the drives, OK??? OK.
Windows should just tell you “The file is in use by <actual information here>” by default.
You’re right, of course. I’m so beaten down I now I guess I just accept the mediocre solution.