Asking because I just sat through a family feud within earshot at a local coffee joint. Parents giving advice to son, who looked 30ish, all quite civil, full of the ‘can I speak for a minute’, ‘your minute is up’ and so on, with some ‘when we were your age’ and ‘you must/ will learn’ etc. Mum ended with ‘i don’t have to justify anything to you’.
My dad stopped once I got out of high school, but mum seems to chime in from time to time. I’m well into my middle age.
When should parents stop parenting and just let the kid fail/ thrive on their own? I just feel sometimes the parents are the problem, regardless of good intentions.
I’m supporting my kids financially through their college years, so, for another 10-15 years. During that time, I get a say in the way they conduct themselves. I try to instill decent values, discipline, and stoke their own independence. But they are their own people and as they grow up, what I think will matter less to them. That’s fine. That’s normal. If they turn out to be assholes, I’ll attempt to intervene. If they start believing in weird bullshit, same. If they mistake their life of privilege for a lifelong entitlement, I will pull the rug out from under them. And if they’re doing good shit in life and need a hand, I’ll be there throughout my remaining years. By the time they’re 30, I hope they have their shit together and we see each other not just as family, but as friends. Lording over your kids until they’re adults is some bullshit. It’s the reason I have a dysfunctional relationship with my mother.
Okay, so this is an employment situation then. Youre treating them like “you act certain ways/do certain things because I give you money.”
That’s an employer, not a parent.
Shit take but that’s cool.